Regrets

I wish I would have filmed more of what we were experiencing.

But I was so over whelmed with the stories, the people and the places we were visiting I was not able to document all of our travels and all the people we met.

Hopes

I hope to rest when I get home. Take a long walk with Andrea and Spike. Set up a sacred space in my house for prayer, reflection, meditation, and spiritual formation.

I hope to continue downsizing in what I own and the way I evaluate success.

I hope to go through the process of forming a support community for our journey in School and beyond.

I hope to build relationships with people in our community who are outside of my cube of friendship.

I hope to become less consumed with thoughts of achievement and what I am doing next.

I hope to be able to visit some of the people we met here.

I hope to be a bridge to some of these people and their ministries.

I hope to use my speaking skills to share these stories and bring awareness to these forgotten areas of the world.

I hope to partner with many people to advance the Kingdom and bare witness to the “Reign of God”

Fears

I am afraid of being misunderstood.

I am afraid of bringing what I want to the table and not what is needed.

I am afraid of dyeing inwardly.

I am afraid of what people are going to say and think about Andrea and me.

But in sharing my fears, I hope that there will be a few that want to partner with us on this journey, through prayer, words, and relationship.

Dreams

I dream of being so at peace with God that I will not Fear.

I dream of being healed from Bi-Polar 2.

I dream of a day when I won’t care about clothes, a car, a house, safety and a career.

I dream of a day, when my values will be so upside down the only place left to go is Heaven.

I dream of a day when I do not want fame or prestige.

Face down in the sand, I cry

Waste deep, as the water crashes over me

I die

Only to see a hand reaching out for me

Alive

There are only thoughts and ideas

No over arching way

When we follow a master made of clay

Our selfishness we display

That man makes me feel all right about my flesh

Look I am shiny and new

That girl gives me breath, now I can be like you.

Why is it we create an image of what we think love is?

Why don’t we take our glasses off when we see each other?

Because when someone is different, not like me, I do not know what to do.

They should fit in my box, my little cube that I made for all who are new.

Legs weary with weight, I climb

Back breaking with pressure from my mind.

What did I ever do to you, that makes you hate me so?

Where do you get off treating me like a show?

Put your money in the slot and I will dance for you.

Give me paper dollars and hold some more it’s true.

There are riches that go beyond money they are lives and people too.

When with lift up one, and disgrace the other we can final live as one.

One mind, one thought, one way of life.

This is the way of man.

Arms out stretched, I bow.

There is no goal, no end for me.

It is already done.

Nothing to achieve only believe that my answer has come.

This might sound too simple or overly contrite, but it is my one accord.

To live open handed and misunderstood is better than money or goods.

I have seen my end and it started in the beginning.

I was born into a world that wants my mind to conform to a prescribed reward.

When I think of “the dream” I become nauseous.

Ideology, becomes idolatry

And now the idols fall.

A kindred spirit

Drew took me around the cape and talked to me about the racism that is so prevalent today. Apart tide has just ended 12 years ago and the people that put the “Blacks” in their shanty towns. These are basically ghettoes. When we pulled into a township the streets were covered with children. Ages 2-18. They were all there, in the street, some half clothes. With a blank look on their face looking for guidance, running in and out of the streets.

We went to an after school program in a church. Then we took pictures of their inter action. When we walked into the room with 30 children we were suspect, but as we began to move around they received us as apart of them. We shared public space, and then personal space and with one or two intimate space. These children wanted to be touched. To love a few was a gift and I left loved.

Drew and I spent a lunch talking about the failure of our dreams. We shared stories of freedom from the “American Dream”. How our view of success has infected our view of serving God. Serving God is the only thing I find fulfillment in anymore. As I sit with these people that work with developing nations and broken people, I want in. I want to be put in the game. This stuff is where most people will not go.

American’s are not just ATM’s to these people, they are partners. The Third world wants to teach us but our ears are closed. My ears have been closed. I have hid behind my ignorance and fear. We have to serve each other, we have to listen, hear and be changed. Life is to short and the journey is too long.

There is so much happening and it is only day four and I am sure that I will not arrive home the same.

8:30pm SA time

We are in a thatched hut; we can hear the ocean 200 yards away. This place is freaking gorgeous. This experience in SA is not a mistake. 4 out of the 20 students in this program were at the NIFES conference in Nigeria 2004. One of the guys, Joshua works for the president of Inter Varsity. There are NGO workers, administrators, professors, Dr.’s Pastors, all coming together to further economic, community, and social development in Third Worlds.

First day at the welcome dinner I meet this guy Drew, who is 32 and he is here with his wife. She is finishing her thesis and he is taking pictures of the local ministries in the surrounding townships and deep in the heart of SA. By the way he has already taken me on a tour and my mind almost went numb. This experience is incubator and I am an egg.

Here are some of the other people I have met.

Peter is a 26 year old student form Atlanta, Georgia. We have a lot in common. Both a little hyper, like to smoke (casually) can’t really focus on one thing. We both come from fundamentalist backgrounds, private school and so on.

Maurice is from North Philly, he loves clothes and his lady. He has three jobs, youth pastor (un official), social worker and real estate sales. This guy makes me laugh. He kept saying that he “I feel you” as he would lightly thump his chest. Maurice turns 30 in May. He struggles to accept responsibility and grow up. I know what that is like.

Jen is a 24 year old student from Santa Barbra. She has spent a lot of time traveling and working in Med Clinic and with Prostitutes in Thailand and fly fishing in New Zealand.

Yesterday I spent the majority of my time sleeping. The only difference I was in a bungalow, not Denise and Len’s house. They are the people that picked us up on the first day. Then there is Cindy. She is a mother of four from FL. Mama Mary is the name of her ministry to Eastern Europe. She recently became a Christian and it is great being around her. It would be amazing if I could help her with a website.

Gary is a 41 year old from SA, who currently lives in London. He loves the outdoors, surfing, scuba, football, rugby and cricket. He is a rugged individual. He works for the European Aid organization. They are a lot like our World Relief. There are three guys from world relief who work in Malawi and I know I spelled that wrong. Hendricks works with all of Africa, bringing awareness to the communities about Pastors with HIV/Aids. I love this guy. I am hoping to meet with him and his boss, who is a priest when they come to America in August. We will see.

As I sit and think about these stories I can not help but to wonder what this all means. There is so much going on. I want to see the world. I want to be where God is speaking the loudest. Who would have thought that a year ago we would be in SA. I just took an exam this morning for seminary and I think I did all right.

It is hard for me to envision myself being a pastor, but I believe I am supposed to go to seminary. It is not hard to see myself using these gifts and talents to empower others to lead. It is not hard to envision myself telling the stories of Nigeria and other oppressed people. It is not hard to see myself speaking to the youth of Nigeria or to people in America about the story of Justice that Jesus came to complete through us.

3/13/06

The Beginning of the rest of my life

We began our journey in the small town of Souderton Pa, “There is so much to do, how will it ever get don.” This is an anxious thought that used to plaque my mind.

At this present time I am so over whelmed with thankfulness. I don’t know how to express in words . These stories that race around my head, but I do not know how. Nigeria, TX, south Africa, Uganda, Brazil, Armenia, Africa, HIV/Aids Awareness, Prostitution, Child Trafficking, There are millions of stories and they must be told. The survival of the church depends on it. We can not allow this opportunity to pass us by. God’s will? I know there is always that… The tension between what I want to do, and what I was created for. I don’t know if I believe in Fate, but I do believe in Love. A power that pulls you in a direction, a waking up form sleep As though you are seeing the world or the first time. This experience is so compelling; you can’t help but to live differently. No longer does the “good life” seem most attractive. You are on a ride that you do not want to get off.

When you look into the eyes of the oppressed people of the world there is a common theme in the story. The setting and characters may be different but the thread of truth is the same. There are systems created in this world that are evil and they must be exposed. I will spend the rest of my life gathering data and telling stories. And the story which will bring freedom to these people will be the story of love the ultimate sacrifice.

These people a such, that there life has the thread of reality that all the world must see.

How will we tell these stories?

Where do we start?

And who is we?”

God show yourself the me so that this act of love will not be in vain or for selfish pursuit.